When I Wake Up
by FullMentalPanic
Summary: Dreams aren't an escape that you keep separate from life. They're what help you decide how you're going to live once you open your eyes again.


**When I Wake Up**

By FullMentalPanic

It's all foggy now, muddled and confused. Senses and thoughts indistinct, but there are things I cling to, because I have a plan for when I finally manage to wake up.

When I wake up you're not gonna be there, but it's going to be what I'm working toward, and I'll be closer to getting it as soon as I can hold my eyes open for more than a few minutes at a time.

I don't want to be going along alone anymore. I've done that, I'm ready for new experiences. There've been so many things I've seen and wished you were seeing with me. Seriously, I want it to be like when we were roaming around all the vendor stalls in Sector 4. In short, I want life to happen with you.

While we're on new experiences, you ever try out any of those bars in the slums? Angeal kind of scared me away from alcohol saying that drinking with people from work is like begging them to do something scandalous and career damaging, and advertising to anyone who hates you that you've let your guard down. Considering the majority of the guys I went through basic with, he was probably on to something. I, however, named a bar. At least I suggested a name for one and it'd be interesting to see if the place every got off the ground. The guy starting it actually wanted to house a Shinra resistance group which might come in handy with how things are going to be when Cloud and I make it out of here. On the topic of risking rep and limbs though, I don't think I'd have to worry about having a few drinks with you.

I'll talk nonsense, but you listen anyway, and to be honest sometimes what you say is more than a little confusing. I'm still the one you say it to though, and really, if you can't be silly around someone just how much do you actually trust each other?

Seriousness does have it's part to play though. For instance, I've gotta pick a new career, and something that pays well so I can buy you as many pink outfits and hair ribbons as I want. Whatever it is though, and I'd like to try everything, I'm going to work hard and pass on everything I make to you. Or almost everything. I'm just being honest, I'm gonna keep a little bit of it.

It's been a long time since I thought of Gongaga as home. It's where I'm from and I've got some deep roots there, sure, but as soon as I joined SOLDIER, that was the new place where I belonged. I didn't really think of it as home though. That feeling grew underneath the plate, and not even around any actual house but that busted up old church. You still keep it looking as nice as you possibly can, but I'd definitely rank it as a fixer-upper. The roof is in terrible condition, which is partly my fault, and of course we don't really get rain down there, but anyway...that's home.

Loneliness isn't something I've experienced a lot. I've got friends. I've got family. Cloud's only a few feet away from me most of the time, which isn't to say I'm not counting the moments until we can break out of this place. I've been to a lot of places all on my own, and it hasn't really bothered me. Even if the people who matter to me aren't there, I can remember everything about them. Everything they've taught me, or just what I've learned from knowing them, that helps me wrap up whatever crisis is going on and get back to them that much more quickly. Still, even on missions with people all around, there were times when I'd see something or just think something and I'd feel like it's unfinished. Like it's falling short of what it could actually be, because you're not there. What makes me lonely is not being with you.

I haven't really thought about growing old, or even growing older. I kind of saw myself going out in a blaze of glory before I hit twenty. I didn't really mind, as long as I really made a difference. I just wanted to live strong and fast and use all of me to change the world. Now though...I'd like to be around. I want a better world, and yeah I'll still go down for it, but I'd like to be there to enjoy it. I want to live in it with you. There's a different kind of strength in being willing to grow old. In letting the world take it's toll on you and eventually getting to the point where there's something you can't do that used to be easy. Not that I'd just lay down and turn decrepit. I think I'd go for old and hale and wise, and try for a cascading snowy beard, that would be cool. Plus, there's no one I'd want to do that with more besides you. I think you would make it real classy.

Dreaming, I'm dreaming now but it's of you. Reality and dreams merge, but if you work for it, your dreams can become your reality. Things waver, they don't stick together in my head, but there are moments. In those moments I can pull together my plan and remember what I already have mapped out. Every action starts inside, and if I can get it to work in there I'll be that much closer to actually pulling it off when I can get my body to move the way I want it to again. I'm not staying here, I'm going to where you are. In some of those instances where things makes sense, I realize that it's probably going to be on foot. Nibelheim was razed, vehicles in general are fairly easy to track and you have to be careful with them if you're going covert.

When I wake up, It's going to be a long walk. I'll take every step, every mile, every hundred miles, every thousand miles, just to be able to collapse where you are. Because after that, everyday I'll wake up with you beside me.

* * *

A/N: This is my version of a song fic. It's a very upbeat song and something that might've worked better for a music video, but I don't have easy access to that equipment and I do have a Fanfic account. The song is "500 Miles" originally by The Proclaimers. However, I became acquainted with it through the version by Alexander Rybak, an engaging Norwegian/Belarusian artist, who, as near as I can make out, favors satirical love songs.


End file.
